Yes, you can forgive someone who is not sorry, and the Bible encourages you to do so. Forgiveness is not a reward you give to someone who has earned it through repentance. It is a decision you make to release the hold that bitterness has on your own heart. Jesus forgave from the cross while His executioners were still mocking Him, and He calls you to that same freedom.
This is one of the hardest teachings in all of Christianity. Everything in you may scream that forgiveness should be earned. That the person who hurt you should have to grovel, apologize, and make it right before you release them. And while reconciliation absolutely requires repentance, forgiveness does not. Forgiveness is between you and God. Reconciliation is between you and the other person. They are not the same thing, and understanding that difference is the key to your freedom.
What the Bible Says About Forgiving the Unrepentant
Scripture addresses this tension directly. God calls us to forgive freely, not because the offender deserves it, but because unforgiveness will destroy us from the inside out.
Luke 23:34 (NIV)
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”
Jesus spoke these words while being crucified. The soldiers had not asked for forgiveness. The religious leaders who orchestrated His death were not sorry. Yet Jesus chose to forgive. This is the ultimate example that forgiveness does not require the other person’s participation.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Paul does not say, “Forgive those who apologize.” He says forgive as God forgave you. And God forgave you while you were still sinning (Romans 5:8). The standard is not the offender’s behavior. The standard is Christ’s example.
Mark 11:25 (NIV)
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
This verse connects your ability to receive God’s forgiveness with your willingness to extend it to others. It does not add the condition “if they are sorry.” The command is to forgive when you recognize you are holding something against someone, regardless of their posture toward you.
Romans 12:17-19 (NIV)
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Releasing your desire for revenge is a core part of forgiveness. When you forgive someone who is not sorry, you are not saying what they did was okay. You are saying you will no longer carry the poison of bitterness and that you trust God to handle justice in His way and His time.
How to Forgive When They Are Not Sorry
1. Understand What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is not pretending you were not hurt. It is not excusing bad behavior. It is not trusting the person again. It is not reconciliation. It is a deliberate, often daily decision to release your right to hold the offense against someone. Think of it as dropping a heavy stone you have been carrying. The stone does not disappear, but you are no longer weighed down by it.
2. Acknowledge the Full Weight of What Happened
You cannot forgive what you have not honestly faced. Minimizing the offense actually makes forgiveness harder because you are trying to forgive a watered-down version of reality. Be honest with God about exactly what was done to you and exactly how it made you feel. The Psalms model this kind of raw honesty (Psalm 109, Psalm 55).
3. Choose Forgiveness as a Decision, Not a Feeling
Forgiveness rarely feels good at first. It is an act of the will, not an emotion. You may need to choose it over and over again, especially when memories resurface. Each time the bitterness rises, bring it to God and say, “I choose to forgive this person. Help me mean it more today than I did yesterday.” Over time, the feelings will follow the decision.
4. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Forgiving someone does not mean you must allow them back into your life or give them the opportunity to hurt you again. Jesus forgave the Pharisees but did not submit to their authority. You can forgive someone fully and still maintain healthy distance. Boundaries are not the opposite of forgiveness. They are the partner of wisdom (Proverbs 4:23).
5. Pray for the Person
This is the hardest step and often the most powerful. Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “Pray for those who persecute you.” Prayer does something supernatural. It is nearly impossible to hold onto bitterness toward someone you are actively praying for. Start small. You do not have to pray for their success. Start by praying that God would work in their life.
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A Prayer for Forgiving the Unrepentant
God, this is so hard. The person who hurt me has not apologized, and I do not know if they ever will. Part of me wants them to feel the pain they caused me. But I know that holding onto this anger is hurting me more than it is hurting them. I choose to forgive, not because they deserve it, but because You have forgiven me for so much more. Break the chains of bitterness in my heart. Set me free from this weight I was never meant to carry. I trust You with justice. I trust You with healing. Help me to keep choosing forgiveness every day until the day it no longer feels like a battle. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it a sin not to forgive someone?
The Bible takes unforgiveness seriously. In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35), Jesus warns that those who refuse to forgive will face consequences. However, God also understands that forgiveness is a process, especially for deep wounds. The sin is not in struggling to forgive. It is in refusing to pursue forgiveness at all.
What if I forgive but the anger keeps coming back?
This is completely normal. Forgiveness is not a one-time event for serious offenses. It is a repeated choice. Every time the anger resurfaces, bring it to God again. Over time, the intensity will diminish. Think of it like a wound that has been cleaned. It may still ache as it heals, but the infection of bitterness has been addressed.
Does forgiving mean I have to reconcile with the person?
No. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. Forgiveness is one-sided and depends only on you and God. Reconciliation is two-sided and requires repentance, changed behavior, and rebuilt trust from the other person. You can fully forgive someone and still choose not to have a relationship with them.
Moving Forward with Faith
Forgiving someone who is not sorry is one of the most Christ-like things you will ever do. It is not weakness. It is supernatural strength that comes only from the Holy Spirit working in you. You are not doing this for them. You are doing this for your own freedom and for the glory of a God who forgave you before you ever thought to ask.
For more on this topic, explore our complete guide to biblical forgiveness. And if you want daily support in letting go of bitterness and walking in freedom, the Faithful app offers personalized devotionals and prayer to help you take the next step.
Keep Growing in Faith
For a deeper dive into this topic, explore our complete guide: Forgiveness: A Complete Faith-Based Guide.
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