Jesus directly commands His followers to pray for their enemies in Matthew 5:44: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” This is not about pretending the hurt does not exist — it is about releasing the person who harmed you into God’s hands and allowing prayer to do what bitterness never can.
Let’s be honest: praying for someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things Jesus ever asked His followers to do. It feels wrong. It feels like letting them off the hook. It feels like minimizing what they did or pretending the damage is not real.
But Jesus did not give this command because it is easy. He gave it because it is transformative — not primarily for the enemy, but for you. Praying for the people who have harmed you is one of the most counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, and ultimately freeing things a Christian can do. And it starts not with warm feelings but with an act of will.
Step 1: Understand Why Jesus Commands This
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” — Matthew 5:44-45
Jesus connects praying for enemies with reflecting the character of God. The Father sends sun and rain on everyone — not based on their moral standing but based on His nature. When you pray for someone who has hurt you, you are not endorsing their behavior. You are participating in God’s scandalous generosity — the same generosity that extended grace to you when you least deserved it.
This is not about denying justice. God is a God of justice, and He will deal with wrongs. It is about releasing your grip on being the one who delivers that justice, and trusting God to handle what you cannot.
Step 2: Start With Honesty, Not Pretending
The biggest mistake people make when trying to pray for an enemy is starting with feelings they do not have. They force themselves to say “God, bless this person” when everything inside them is screaming something else entirely. That kind of prayer usually does not last more than a day.
“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” — Psalm 62:8
Start by telling God the truth. “God, I do not want to pray for this person. I am angry. I am hurt. What they did was wrong, and part of me wants them to suffer for it.” God can handle your honesty. He already knows what you are feeling — He is not shocked by it. Bringing the raw truth to Him is not a failure of faith. It is the beginning of it.
You cannot pray for your enemy until you have first prayed about your enemy. Tell God everything — the anger, the pain, the desire for revenge, the ways this person’s actions still affect you. Pour it all out. Once it is in God’s hands, you will find there is a little more room in yours for what comes next.
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Step 3: Pray for Them as a Human Being
Your enemy is a person. They have a story you may not know — wounds, pressures, fears, failures that shaped the behavior that hurt you. This does not excuse what they did. But it does put them in a category that makes prayer possible: they are a broken person who needs God’s grace, just like you.
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” — Romans 12:17-19
Practical things you can pray for your enemy:
- That God would open their eyes to the harm they have caused.
- That God would work in their heart — convicting, softening, transforming.
- That they would experience the kind of encounter with God that changes everything.
- That God would break any cycles of hurt that led them to hurt others.
- That God would deal with them justly and mercifully according to His wisdom.
You do not have to pray for their comfort or their happiness if that is not where you are. You can simply pray: “God, I place this person in Your hands. Do what only You can do.” That is a legitimate and powerful prayer.
Step 4: Understand What Praying for Enemies Does to You
Praying for your enemy is not primarily about changing them. It is about what happens inside you.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” — Hebrews 12:15
Bitterness is a root. It grows underground, unseen, spreading into areas of your life you did not expect it to reach. It affects your other relationships, your peace, your ability to receive God’s goodness, your health. Praying for the person who hurt you is not a gift to them — it is the act of pulling up that root before it takes over everything.
When you pray for your enemy, you are making a conscious decision to transfer the weight of what they did from your shoulders to God’s. You are choosing to stop carrying them — not because they deserve freedom from your judgment, but because you deserve freedom from the prison of holding onto it.
Step 5: Do Not Confuse Prayer with Reconciliation
This is critical. Praying for your enemy does not mean you must reconcile with them. It does not mean you must trust them again, be in relationship with them again, or put yourself in harm’s way.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18
Notice the qualifiers: “if it is possible” and “as far as it depends on you.” Paul knew that peace with everyone is not always possible. Some people are unsafe. Some situations require boundaries. Some relationships cannot and should not be restored — at least not in their former shape.
You can pray for someone you will never speak to again. You can pray for someone you have a restraining order against. You can pray for someone and simultaneously maintain firm, healthy boundaries. Prayer and boundaries are not contradictions — they are both acts of wisdom.
Step 6: Keep Going, Even When You Do Not Feel It
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” — Matthew 5:44
Jesus did not say “feel warm feelings toward your enemies.” He said pray for them. Prayer is an act of the will, not a mood. You will not always feel like praying for the person who hurt you. Some days the anger will be as fresh as the day it happened. Pray anyway. Not because your feelings do not matter, but because the act of praying — even through clenched teeth — loosens the grip that bitterness has on your heart, one prayer at a time.
It may take weeks. It may take months. It may take years. But somewhere in the process, something shifts. The rage softens — not into tolerance of what they did, but into a settled peace that comes from knowing God is handling it. You find that the person who consumed your thoughts occupies less and less space. You find that the wound, while still real, no longer controls your days.
That is the freedom Jesus was offering when He gave this command. Not freedom for your enemy. Freedom for you.
Two Pitfalls to Avoid
Pitfall 1: Using prayer as a weapon.
“Lord, show them how wrong they are.” That is not prayer — that is vengeance with a spiritual accent. When you pray for your enemy, genuinely ask for God’s will for their life, even if His will involves conviction and consequence. The goal is not to weaponize prayer but to release the situation into hands more capable than yours.
Pitfall 2: Measuring success by your feelings.
If you are waiting to feel warmth toward your enemy before you consider the prayer “working,” you will give up too quickly. The fruit of praying for enemies is not necessarily affection — it is freedom from bitterness, peace in your own heart, and the ability to move forward without being chained to what was done to you. Those things can exist even when the anger still flares up occasionally.
A Simple Prayer to Start
If you do not know where to begin, start here:
God, I do not want to pray for this person. But You have asked me to, and I trust that You know what I need more than I do. I give You my anger. I give You my desire for revenge. I give You the weight of what they did. I ask You to deal with them — not according to my will, but according to Yours. And I ask You to free me from the bitterness that has been growing in the dark places of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
That is enough to start. And starting is the hardest part.
Continue Your Journey
If this article spoke to your heart, you may also find encouragement in these related posts:
- How to Lead a Prayer Meeting
- Bible Verses for Praying for Unbelieving Family Members
- Bible Verses for Praying Through Depression
Frequently Asked Questions
How should I pray as a beginner?
Start by talking to God like a trusted friend. Share what’s on your heart, thank Him for something specific, and ask for help with today’s challenges. There’s no special formula required.
Does God always answer prayer?
Yes, but not always how we expect. God answers with ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘wait.’ Every answer reflects His perfect wisdom and love, even when it’s difficult to understand.
What if I don’t feel anything when I pray?
Prayer isn’t based on feelings — it’s based on faith. God hears you whether you feel His presence or not (Hebrews 11:6). Keep praying; feelings often follow faithfulness.
Keep Growing in Faith
For a deeper dive into this topic, explore our complete guide: Prayer: A Complete Faith-Based Guide.
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